Thursday, 2 June 2011

5 Awesome tastic comedy links!

Howdy! I know today's post is late, but I've been rather busy with pre-prom planning and such. Unfortunatly, I might not be able to post until monday, but most likely it will be sunday... 

Anyways, to make sure you're all occupied while I'm gone (read in hoity-toity voice)  I thought I'd share with you 5 awesome sites that I'm sure will make you chuckle, or your money back guaranteed! I know you haven't actually paid anything, but fuck it, ill send you onions or something.

5. Cracked is a comedy website, specializing in list based comedy. The articles, written by anyone, pertain to multiple demographics by talking about a variety of subjects. The best part? Articles are proofread to be informative, meaning it's educational! Awesomesauce!

4. uncyclopedia-wikia.Is a popular wiki designed to be a humerus mockup of Wikipedia. The articles often rely on shock comedy and stupid humor. May be nsfw so be warned.... I suggest taking a look at their plagiarism article for a few chuckles

3. cats that look like hitler  Should be self explanatory.  If I have to explain  the premise of this site to you, get the fuck off my blogger now and never return.

2. The Legacy of Bloodninja  Amazing piece of work by a man called bloodninja. Though I can't find the original link, most of his works can be found in the link. Caution, empty bladder before reading or you may find yourself wishing you had. Seriously really funny stuff!

1. Encyclopedia Dramatica Warning-NSFW. No list of words can accurately describe the contents of this site. It's disgusting, it's funny, it's creepy and morally appalling! It's like if uncyclopedia started smoking crack and started beating off into used diapers whist wearing cowboy boots and singing the Russian national anthem. Except not really at all. Well, maybe in it's batshit insanity. anyways.... you've all been warned!

Oh, and for those of you weary to click these links, just type it out and google and check 'em out. But it's not like I added a link to lemonparty..... I swear, I didn't!

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

5 dumbest comments of the week-Wednesday, June 1, 2011

In my ongoing efforts to create a couple of weekly segments for you to look forward to, I´m introducing the 5 stupidest shit of the week column in the sexy list format you all know and love.

5. ´´ Isisn´t it iconic that Rebbecca Black is pregnant?´´ She meant to say ironic, which I may have been able to forgive her for if it was even remotely ironic. To add insult to injury, when I called her out on this, and said ´don´t you mean ironic´ she replied with #4.
4. ´´Ironic? That´s not even a word.. isin´t it iconic that you used ironic instead of iconic?´´ :facepalm: I felt like saying, ´´isint it ´iconic´ that even with all of those extra chromosomes, you still can´t figure out how to use the word ironic!´´
3. I was walking through the tech hall of my high-school when I heard this conversation between two blonds (both IRL and metaphorically). Blonde a) said: ´´Yeah, I want to go to Australia with my boyfriend this summer- what language do they speak there anyway?´´
2.  To which her dumbass blond friend, replied: ´´They speak Australian, stupid!´´. Normally, I´d take this exchange as a sort of satire but considering the sources (tech hall blonds) and the total lack of verbal cues to make one think otherwise, I can´t help they were serious. :headwall:
1. This last example happened today in philosophy, as two students were talking about their friend who was planning on showing up to prom high. They referred to him as a dumbass for doing drugs and said ´´why can´t he just get high on life instead´´. About 30 seconds after that comment, he started talking about how ´´fucking shitfaced´´ he was planning on getting on prom night. *sigh*

So there you have it folks, my reason for my undying cynicism. Spend 2 weeks in any high-school and you may find yourself losing hope in humanity.

Monday, 30 May 2011

''News time, children!''

Howdy everyone, I appreciate the support you've given me in my efforts to start blogging! Ill make sure to check out the blog of everyone who follows me, and if it pertains my interest, I may follow you as well.

I must admit that initially, my plan for this blog was to make it all comedy, but doing so would be quite difficult (especially considering how unfunny I am). I had plans to start a blog for every topic I want to talk about but doing so would be difficult. Therefore, ill keep one blog, and update it with anything/everything that pertains to my interests. One day it might be comedy, the next a critical review of Kantian existentialism. So, be warned....

I will attempt, to the best of my abilities to make weekly columns (so that you have something to look forward to). Every Wednesday, look out for the ''5 stupidest things I've heard all week'' list.

To make sure you don't leave this post feeling empty handed, I've provided  you with the joke of the week (below).

[There's two things I hate about my son's new partner: He's Black]

Why I want a girlfriend

#10. So I have someone to share intimate thoughts and secrets with.
#9. So I have someone honest and forgiving in my life.
#8. So I can split a one-room apartment for $300/mo because spending $600 each month to sleep and cook canned soup is bullshit.
#7. So I have someone to hang out with who doesn't try to show me his dick every ten seconds.
#7. So I have something to do when while waiting for Starcraft 2 to come out.
#6. So I have something "real" to blame my problems on.

#4. So my dipshits friends don't feel justified complaining about their girlfriends on the grounds that I don't "understand" because I don't have one, and then refusing to take my brilliantly crafted advice because somehow it's not relevant because I'm single and no single person could ever possibly have any understanding of relationships or the human condition. What's with people who ask for advice, and then don't take it? It's insulting. And it's not even relationship advice. You'll go to a restaurant with them, and they'll ask the waitress, "Is the fish and chips any good?" Of course the waitress replies, "Yes, it's excellent." Then your friend goes, "Ok. I'll have a grilled cheese." What the fuck were they asking for? Did the waitress give the wrong answer? Was your friend hoping the fish and chips was lousy? "Hi, I'll have the fish and chips, but only if it tastes like rancid dick bile." People are fucking WEIRD.
#8. Apparently if I "fall in love, I lose." Well I haven't lost anything ever in my life, and I'm curious how it feels.

#3. Because girlfriends do stupid shit all the time and it's fun to laugh at even though I think it's sad and pathetic.
#5. So I have someone to consistently hate on a daily basis.
#3. Because girls find guys in relationships more attractive.
#2. So that when I'm playing beer pong, I can be like, "FUCK THIS GAME. I FUCKING HATE BEER PONG." And go hatefuck my dumb girlfriend.
#3. So when I'm having a shitty day, I can make her life miserable.
#11. So I have someone to have cybersex with who isn't named "TinaSexiXXX" and costs $.40/minute.
#12. She might be good at something.
#13. In case I strike out at a bar, I have a backup plan.
#16. So that when my dad asks me if I have a girlfriend, I can say, "FUCK YOU DAD YOU RUINED MY LIFE."
#15. So I can practice being heartless on someone who genuinely cares about me.
#26. So I can practice lying to someone without having consequences that matter.
#17. So when I fuck her, I can use a hidden camera. I've always wanted to do that to a girl. And she'll be like, "Owe! lRyan! What the fuck are you shoving inside me?" And I'll be like, "It's a hidden camera! Look! Now it's hidden, now it's not.. now it's hidden, now it's not!" And we'll have a few laughs and a few torn vaginas and then break up and I'll be back to where I am now - wishing I had something even though I know for a fact that I don't want it.